He Shows Up

By: Holly Bernstein

 

Before I met God, I was trapped in addiction. During this time, I had two abortions and one miscarriage. After I surrendered my life to Christ I wondered if God would forgive me and allow me to have children. As I built a relationship with God I realized through His word and just getting to know His character that I, in fact, was COMPLETELY forgiven. God did not hold my sin debt against me anymore. Hallelujah! EVERY SINGLE STAIN OF SIN WAS GONE!!!

Fast forward four years later in 2016 my husband and I started to think about having children. We hadn’t necessarily started trying but we weren’t not trying if you know what I mean. One afternoon he came with me to a regular OBGYN checkup and we found out I was pregnant. We were a little stunned but also very excited. On the way home that day God highlighted the name Jude to me, and I had a strong feeling our baby was a boy. I proceeded to look up what Jude meant in Hebrew and the name means “Praise.” My husband and I enjoy worshipping God and thought, “O’ How Perfect!”

Within a couple of days, we started tracking our son on the Ovia Pregnancy app to learn how he was growing each day and we laughed about how they would match his size with different vegetables, bread, and toys. Our hearts grew as we began bonding with him and each other as we learned more about how God was forming him each day.

Then about a month later I began spotting at school and since I had been through a miscarriage before that was the first thing that entered my mind. I immediately had my husband pick me up and we went to the hospital. I was such a mess. I remember even arguing with my husband on the way there. When we got back into a room, I could tell it was happening; our son was going to be with the Lord, and I couldn’t stop it…. My husband could stop it…. We felt helpless and out of control. I laid there and my husband held my hand, without saying a word he pulled up the song called, “Ever Be” by Bethel Music and began singing it. I joined in through the tears and we got through it. If you’ve never heard it part of the song goes like this,

Your love is devoted like a ring of solid gold
Like a vow that is tested like a covenant of old
And Your love is enduring through the winter rain
And beyond the horizon with mercy for today

Faithful You have been and faithful you will be
You pledge yourself to me and it’s why I sing

Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips
Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips
Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips
Your praise will ever be on my lips, ever be on my lips.

Little did I know my firstborn would teach me the art of praise and the true meaning of rejoicing in the midst of the storm.

Isaiah 61:3 says, “to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.”

That day my Lord was glorified. My husband was a man of few words that evening as I cried more but he assured me that in life and death God always does the right thing and at that moment I knew for certain our son was with God and we would meet him one day.

Later towards the end of that year we got pregnant again. I was nervous but excited. One day on my drive to work I felt God impressing on me that He was going to carry me through this pregnancy. I felt His presence so heavy during that drive I was bawling my eyes out and just worshiping with all my heart with my hands lifted high driving down the highway. LOL! It was a happy day. During our first ultrasound, they only saw an amniotic sac, but my HCG levels were showing I was 8 weeks pregnant. This was done at the birthing center, so their ultrasound machine wasn’t super high tech, so they had us come back to a different part of the hospital the next day.

The next day our child was measuring 5 weeks, so they had us leave and come back in a week. The following week our child had not grown, and they were only seeing the amniotic sac again. I had three options on what to do from there and one was to let the miscarriage happen naturally. I decided to go with that because I knew MY GOD COULD breathe life back into my baby in an instant and I so desperately wanted to believe that He WAS going to!

Finally, days later I had my answer…. our second child was with God. I was heartbroken and to be frank MAD! I knew I heard God that day in the car and my God is NOT A LIAR! I reached out to some of my friends and received a lot of hugs, nice texts, prayers, a shoulder to cry on, AND pizza WITH dessert. I mean come on, shouldn’t a girl feel better with all that? No, I STILL felt SUPER depressed and really not comforted much at all. Which wasn’t their fault- I actually cherish those friends and the support they offered but I was missing God.

I wasn’t allowing the one who TRULY knows me deeply to comfort my soul. After being stubborn and miserable for about a month I had the house to myself one afternoon and decided I had enough. I was going to God. I got down on my living room floor not knowing what to expect and not really knowing how to approach Him so I turned on International House of Prayer knowing they have 24/7 live worship and prayer and the moment I did the woman was singing, “I’ve decided to run to you and not from you in my time of need.” I LOST IT!!! I thought “I” was going to God but He met ME right where I was as I began cracking the door to my heart.

Revelation 3:20 says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come into him and will dine with him, and he with Me.”

God had been knocking on my door since the beginning of the hardship and I refused to let him in but THE MOMENT I said, “ok, and went to open the door He came STRAIGHT IN!!! SO lovingly, SO attentively, SO graciously, with SUCH MERCY and KINDNESS. I’m melting as I recall His goodness that day and STILL to this day! My God kept His word, He DID carry me through that pregnancy just in a way I didn’t expect.

Ladies, our God is a consuming fire and He wants to be with you TODAY right NOW in THIS moment and forever!! He is the good Father, He is the perfect Husband, He is our Strong Tower, He is our Peace, He is our Joy, He is LIFE!! Today let’s choose to open that door and let God be IN us AND WITH us!

Today’s Truth:

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

Today’s Prayer:

“Father God thank you for your faithfulness through EVERYTHING! Thank you that You are a present God! Thank you that You come in when we are ready! You are so kind, patient and long-suffering. Thank you for bearing with us and loving us beyond what we deserve. Help us to allow You in every moment and every situation. We love you! In Jesus Name, Amen.”

Today’s Challenge/Response:

In what areas of your life have you stiff-armed God? When can you get alone and open the door?

Do it TODAY! God is waiting! He loves you!

Today’s Resource:

Throne Room Worship
Listen all the way through.
Be still, let Him love you and worship from there. 🙂

Meet Today’s Writer: “My name is Holly. I’m a wife and mother of two under 2. I love this new journey of family life, being silly, watching them grow and exploring God’s creation together. I love Jesus Christ with all my heart as He has truly redeemed my life from the pit of drugs, anger, bad relationships and so much more. Today I’m learning to live in the moment with God and I enjoy sharing that with others.” Holly invites others to connect with her through Facebook.

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